close to you
by mirajens
Summary: Tenten hates the blood that Neji sheds for her. (au)


HAPPY NEJITEN MONTH!

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 **Close to you**

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Blood, on her.

Tenten never put a high price on her life and she thought scant of glorifying royals like her father did, like many people did. While idealistic, she was practical when it counted. Having a personal guard purely for the sake of being her human shield was just one of the abhorrent practices of court. She was not sure what she did to warrant the hatred of some radicals but she was sure that it was nothing personal. There would always be people to oppose the throne, angry serf and lords alike who extend the target on her father's back onto her own. It was just the two of them left now with her mother taken by illness and her brothers killed in war. Tenten supposed many were of the mind to eliminate her before she could claim her seat.

But it cost, of course it did. Today it was almost Neji; an arrow or seven that had rained on the battle-seasoned knight who'd been by her side since they were children. Her envoy had been ambushed on the way back from a tour of the western province and her guards barely made it out alive. Neji had taken most of the damage, as one would expect of the person jumping in front of a bull's eye.

That blood was on Tenten, nauseating in its amount and parable: how many more would bleed for her?

She watched Neji sit stony-faced in the midst of medics, guilt and self-loathing bubbling in her own gut. Once the healers left, Tenten was by his cot, contrite. "I wish you would leave your post, Neji. There is a life out there better than grabbing death for me."

Neji tested his pain level by rolling his shoulders. The wince on his face only passed for a few seconds. _That was a dumb thing to do._ "It's not grave, milady. My heart still beats, and all for you." There was a small smile on his lips. Immediately, he knew the ill-humor was at poor taste with his princess' expression. Before she could lash out, he spoke, "I swore an oath to protect you. I don't take that lightly. What I did today was my duty and privilege."

The quiet rage that toiled so rarely in Tenten was quick to make her erupt. She supposed her anger was misdirected at Neji. Neji, a pillar constantly in periphery since childhood, was only trying to do his job and a mile more. Tenten didn't understand the foolishness of staying by his post. Her definition of love didn't mean dying for one another; just the opposite.

Her small face scrunched up, bitter and sad. She could barely see through her glossy eyes but she tried to stare down the blurry figure on the cot. "Then you are a fool!" Words like these were uncommon to burst from her lips but her conscience was clouded and there was little space for rational thinking. She would say her piece while she had the fuel. "Will you let me live with the guilt of having your blood on me? Damn your oath, Neji, and damn your bloody martyr complex!"

These were the moments where Neji couldn't discern the line between his duty and his personal feelings. He'd stared death in the face today and came out alive; he'd be brave enough to grab her hand and press his cheek to the back of it, all smooth skin over the taut flesh of her fist. "It was an oath sworn not only to a high priest, but to myself as well." Seated, he was much shorter than his usual perspective of her. When he looked up to meet her eyes, his own contained storms. "You make a man foolish. I would die for you and feel no regret for it in the afterlife."

He watched her tears spill over now, fat tears that rolled down her cheek and into the high collar of her dress. He ached when she cried. He'd seen her do so too many times than he'd like.

When Neji reached out to wipe her tears, Tenten caught his hand and pressed a kiss to it, never breaking her gaze from the pearl white of his eyes. "Don't say that to me and expect my pulse to gallop. A foolish man doesn't deserve my affections."

His brow cocked up, a subtle show of the grand astonishment he felt. "Do I have your affections, then?" He couldn't help the sloppy grin that accompanied his question.

"Do not smile at such a time, Neji Hyuuga." Unconsciously, Tenten rubbed a palm against the cloth of her skirts as if the phantom blood on it from earlier still itched, burned. "I apologize for yelling but I am not sorry for what I said. I mean it. I know this is your job but I will never approve of it or stop being scared every moment." Tenten joined him on the cot, with no space between their hips, shoulders and arms. "My love, do you think you're the only one who has someone to lose? Do you think what you feel when you take blade or arrowhead for me, I don't feel as well?"

"You shouldn't best your affections on a knight, princess. We are of a threatened species." Even as he smiled, Neji tarried over her sentiments. They were at a stalemate, but he knew that she knew her life would always weigh more than his. He forewent telling her what they both understood. He'd let her worry and grieve him if it meant she stayed alive. "I can't promise that I won't take those blades or arrowheads for you. But I will try to be less harebrained when you're in danger."

Tenten knew a compromise when she heard it. "I do hate to settle, but that's probably as much as I can ask of you."

Neji kissed the side of her head, ending on a weary exhale. He didn't even dare to wish things were different. When the time came for him to lay his life for her, he would do so in a heartbeat. Until then, he would enjoy these warm moments with her, basking in affection that he knew he had no right to but would take anyway.

 **note** : Neji is that dude lowkey joking about wanting to die and highkey actually wanting to die. It's been 87 years and I still feel shafted by his death.


End file.
